RasaM's Guide to Life, Lust, Love, Tehran, Toronto, and Everything

please note: This story and the SMS messages that are attached are 100% real. Nothing has been altered.

So, I wrote that “i might go to hell for this” entry a while back, and a friend of mine decided to post it on Facebook and tag a bunch of my friends in it as well. I didn’t mind that at all. My blog is on the Internet and therefore pretty public, if I wanted to hide something, I wouldn’t post it here. So a whole bunch of people read it and laughed. Some also reminded me of the hell that I’ll be going to, shortly after my death. As you know, I don’t usually mention names here, so with the e-mail in question, I decided to replace her name with stars, in order to save myself some angry phone calls. Some of my friends got really curious and wanted to know who wrote the e-mail, and I told them that its not fair to her, and I will tell them later (to get them off my back). The girl that wrote the e-mail is blocked on my Facebook, but my friend has her as a friend, and since he didn’t know that she wrote the e-mail, he tagged her into the note as well. I think that it is safe to assume that after reading my post, the thought of my head on a platter must’ve been very pleasing to her. So she calls my friend and tells him to take down her e-mail and the Facebook note. Apparently shortly after her conversation with my friend, she decided to call me. I had 3 people waiting on me, and as usual, I was struggling to get ready. My phone rings, I look at the caller ID, and its some random name, I picked up, and the voice on the other side of the line said: “hi”…I’m like: hey…she said: how are you? …I said: I’m well..who am I talking to?…its ***** she said, and at that point, I’m thinking to myself: “fuck man, I don’t have time for this”. So I told her that she caught me in a bad time, and we will talk later. 20 Minutes later my friend who posted that Facebook note SMSed me, all surprised that the e-mail belonged to that girl. I was surprised on how the hell he knew that. He said that she was the one that told him, also mentioning her demand for the termination of the Facebook entry!! And apparently that very demand made my friend laugh so hard that tears came out of his eyes, or I was told.

A couple of days go by, and despite everyone telling me to forget about it, I SMSed the girl, to see what she had to say. And to be honest with you guys, I knew it would be something special, and I really wanted to have a laugh. I asked if she was awake, and didn’t get a reply. The night after, I get this message from her via SMS:

“Take my email off your stupid blog i cant believe someone can be so low and pathetic !”

I replied:

“Wow…you actually told *** it was your email…while he had no idea…good job vaghan…and you call me stupid?”

(“vaghan” in Persian means “really”)

She said:

“Ur stupid for posting something so personal and private have u no shame or respect for anything?”

I said:

“Shame? Respect? I didnt name any names…i didnt steal that email from you..it was an email sent to me…it was my email…i dont understand why u would call *** and tell him its your email…i respected you when i made sure nobody would know its you…didnt think you would tell people yourself”

She said:

“As much as u like to sound cool with shit like that this time u took it too far”

I was writing her reply when she messaged me again saying:

"Ur defamating my character and invading my privacy i can sue you that site sweetie so just take it off "

with a fucking smiley! I mean how amazing is that? I peed my pants when I read this. This is my reply to her:

“Lol hahaha…ok…this convo is over…have your lawyer contact mine”

As soon as I made this reply, I forwarded her last message to my friend and he replied:

“****??? hahahahahahhahahahaha” 

(**** being her name)

he then sent me another one saying:

“lol u shouldnt have even replied, be tokhmetam aslan nabayad begirish!!!!”

(“be tokhmetam aslan nabayad begirish” is Persian for something like: you shouldn’t even let her bother your testicles. Basically you shouldn’t even care.)

she replied my last SMS with:

“Will do huni ”

So…I am expecting her lawyer to contact me any day now. It will be a long and costly legal battle. I am really scared that she might take down my “stupid blog”.

 NOT!!!! (Borat style) lol

Now the words “defamating my character” smells like someone used a little bit of google. That is nice, I’m proud of her for that. But please research more before throwing out legal terms that are a bit too big for your mouth. Speaking of your mouth…never mind. I don’t want to get into this, but a letter that was sent to me, is mine. Electronic or paper, the letter is mine, and unless I sign a Non-Disclosure Agreement (NDA), I am free to do what I please with it. Don’t you hate the law?

Now that she thinks I don’t have any shame, let me throw in a couple of facts regarding my so-called “relationship” with this "lady”.

Did I not dump you via a voicemail? Not even taking the time to talk to you on the phone? Left you a voice message, saying we are done?

I wrote some more facts, but decided to delete them. I really don’t want to be a dick here, but I also don’t respond well to threats. See you in court?

I had Korean BBQ today. Was good.

I’m pissing my days away, it feels great. I am playing all the Metal Gear Solid games again, and I love them. I feel good when I play them. They remind me of the older times. The “Iran” times. The simple times.

It seems to rain on daily basis. I like it.

I miss looking the sky, I don’t think I do that enough.

I’m rehashing some old memories, they seem too old. They all seem to distant.

People die everyday, and there is nothing anyone of us can do about it.

Life is short and sweet. I wouldn’t want it any other way.

I’m going thru my collection of old songs (oldies). I wish I was alive then. 60’s? Simple songs, simple tunes, simple people. No mini-skirts, no pushup bras, and no blow jobs in the park.

I want to write some more stuff, but I don’t think I can put them to words without looking like a selfish, and arrogant prick.

summer

Summer means nothing. Just seconds, burning my days away. Some days I feel like I’m in a coma. A walking, seeing coma. I’ve decided to distant myself from sorrow. I try not to read the News. Listen to fewer complaints, and try to close my eyes like almost everyone else. It’s kinda working.

Lots of people read “my horror sex story” and they all thought it was funny. I am glad I can laugh at it now, but trust me when I tell you that it wasn’t a very pleasant experience. I guess it is true, everyone loves someone else’s misery. I wouldn’t call that a misery, but you know…it was shitty to say the least.

I really can’t right poems anymore. I haven’t tried, I don’t think I need to try. The ones I wrote just came, so I assume they will just come again eventually.

I am not sleeping as much, which isn’t anything new, but I wish I was. Sleeping is nice.

girl at the party (part 1)

A big party, and I almost didn’t know anyone. Music was blasting, people were having a good time, and I was just being there. Didn’t want a new friend, didn’t want to get laid, just wanted to watch everyone else. I really enjoy doing that. I remember when I used to take the subway to work, I would just listen to music and observe the passengers. Their body language, the face expressions, the outfit, and the shopping bags. I would try to imagine what they had in mind, what they sounded like, just try to fill in all the blanks. That’s what I was doing at the party. I noticed her walk by me, the word “pretty” came to mind. She wasn’t drinking, which was different, I think everyone else was. Some were doing coke, some smoking weed, some looked like they were on “E”, everyone was on his or hers own planet. I continued just observing, like I was a Disney animator, observing lions for “Lion King”. She emerged from the crowd and forced her self into my horizon. I noticed how beautiful her dress was. Perfect shoes, the earrings, and the perfect purse to tie it all up. But my eyes quickly skipped all that and noticed her pendant, it was just perfect. She looked at me and smiled, like a movie scene. I was surprised, not because she was smiling at me, but because it seemed too perfect. Like it was scripted. Stuff like this never happens in real life. No love affair starts with the girl dropping her books and the dude helping her pick them up. But I went with it. I smiled back, she seemed pleased. As I was plotting my next move in my head, I noticed that she was walking towards me, that automatically threw me off. All I could think about now was her hair, I figured it would smell great. And as she was walking, her earrings would flash me with a spark, like they were winking at me. She came up to me, and said with a smile: “you must be Alice”. I chuckled, and replied: “that obvious huh?”

…to be continued.