my thoughts. sometimes personal, often too personal.
rasam
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Homepage: http://www.rasami.com
Posts by rasam
The Curse of Knowing
Oct 17th
I should be finishing up my Stats assignment right now..but fuck it. School is just wrong…I hate school. I even hated pre-school, its just not my thing. anyyways…
some say ignorance is bliss and boy they aint kidding. I get a hard-on for news, its just not normal. I NEED TO KNOW. I cant just live my life without knowing whats happening around the globe. from the mid-east to China and Africa, I gotta read and findout. Now the problem is that every single “news source” is biased. one way or another, they all present the news a bit differently. so I have to read like 3,4 articles about the same event to get a less biased picture.
I also read about history and the past, even thought history was never my "thing", I just think its important to know the past just as much the present. Its really messed up. Do you know how much of my day is spent on reading articles? politics, economy, technology and sports, it all takes a good portion of my day. to add insult to injury, i have to read TWO completely different sets for each category. I need to know whats happening in the "western world" as well as Iran. Gotta follow my Esteghlal FC just the same way I do my Raptors. from Bush and his dumb comments, to Ahmadi-Nejad and his crazy views on todays world.
I wish I could just turn it off, but I cant. I sometimes wish I could fast-forward the news to see how it develops. its messed up how I feel the same about "Lost"!!!
I was gonna talk about some scary people and crazy habits…but ill leave that for another time…its late and it can get too scary for me!
where is my apple?
Oct 6th
Khaaneye Koochak
"to be man khandidi
va nemidaanesty
man be che delhoreh az baaghcheye hamsaayeh
sib ra dozdidam.
va nemidaanesty
man be che delhoreh az baaghcheye hamsaayeh
sib ra dozdidam.
baghbaan az peye man tond david
sib rA dast-e to deed
ghazab aaloodeh be man kard negaah
sibE dandaan zadeh az daste to oftaad be khaak
va to rafty o hanooz
saalhaast dar goosh-e man aaraam aaraam
khesh khesh-e gaam-E to tekraar konaan
midahad aazaaram
va man andishe konaan
gharghe in pendaaram
ke cheraa,
khaaneye koochak-e maa seeb nadaasht." -Hamid Mosaddegh
RasaM’s rough translation (with AmK’s help!):
Tiny Home
“you smiled at me
but you had no idea
how nervous I was at our neighbor’s garden,
when I stole the apple
gardener quickly ran after me
and found the apple in your hands
he stared at me with anger
the half bitten apple fell from your hands to the ground
and you left, but still
its been years that gently in my ears
the sound of your footsteps, repeatedly
tortures me
now im pondering
and drowning in my thoughts
asking my self why
our tiny home didn’t have an apple garden?" -Hamid Mosaddegh
خانه کوچک
تو به من خنديدي و نمی دانستی"
من به چه دلهره از باغچه همسايه
سيب را دزديده ام
باغبان از پی من تند دويد
سيب را دست تو ديد
غضب آلودی به من کرد نگاه
سيب دندان زده از دست تو افتاد به خاک
سيب را دست تو ديد
غضب آلودی به من کرد نگاه
سيب دندان زده از دست تو افتاد به خاک
تو رفتی و هنوز
سالهاست که در گوش من آرام آرام
خش خش گامهای تو تکرار کنان
می دهد آزارم
خش خش گامهای تو تکرار کنان
می دهد آزارم
و من انديشه کنان
غرق اين پندارم
غرق اين پندارم
که چرا
"خانه کوچک ما سيب نداشت
"خانه کوچک ما سيب نداشت
While My Guitar Gently Weeps
Oct 3rd
nope…my guitar is still missing its G string! hehe..thats kinda funny..but ya..it needs the G string…remind me to get one..i miss her.
anyways..ya..i stole the title from the Beats (the Beatles)…SUE ME.
I feel like im losing part of my soul with everyday that passes me by…it was my sisters bday Today..and I missed it…this is gonna be her 6th bday that ive missed. the 1st five i wasnt born…but i dont have an excuze for this one…shes more than a 20 hour flight away.
my folks are gonna miss my bday…they missed the big 2-0…and now the 2-1…but this time..my sister is also missing it…which is just great…my dad hate it…and my mom cant stand it. my mom said we now have a franchise instead of family..one in Dubai..on in Toronto..one in Tehran and my mom trying to be with all three…its just stupid but what can you do?
i envy animals…ive always had…when i was younger i hated the fact that our dog didnt have to do homework…it just wasnt fair. and now…they dont have to worry about h/w…work….health..gym…RELATIONSHIPS…parents…none of that…they just live. they sniff eachother…and boom…they start humping…i should try that sometimes…sniff the girl..and then boom..lets doggy style it!! naww…ill buy her a drink first! 
i was thinking about my family and my grand parents..its horrible how their memories are fading in my braind. i remember my moms father (may R.I.P)…i remember him and his harsh skin…we once painted his pool…and i got some blue paint on my hand…he used his hands to clean mine…those big fingers…his big palms swallowed my lil tiney fingers. that i remember. i miss him. he was a great man. an army man with alot of passion and pride. he was also a great Polo player…and im scared of horses…great…really!
my guitar has stopped weeping…but i donnu if i have…i cant help it…i talk to my dad…and iknow if sports didnt exist,..we prob. wouldnt have anything to talk about. maybe school..but my folks arent like that. i remember they would always skip those teacher parent meetings. i always got pretty good grdaes and they just didnt give a shit. i liked it that way….they always trusted me…and i havent done anything to force the otherwise. AmK said is right..what was i doing last year around this time? I was just back from Iran…around a month…a life changing experience. coming back to a town where i no longer thought was that bad…i kinda missed toronto. and that crush! lol…what a crush that was…that was a bite MUCH larger than my mouth. not that i couldnt…if you know me…you know i can talk my way in or out of anything…but with her…it had ZERO point. even if we hooked up…it would be dumb…and wouldnt even last a week…so i stopped even thinking about it. lol..that was a Silly move right there…now you know why some peeps call me silly rabbit…i do silly shit. last i spoke to Oracle, she told me im growingup…i said to my self: "about fucking time"….im almost 21 now….i need a kid by 25!! thats fucking scary!! you mean im gonna fall in love…finish school..get married and have a kid in only 4 years? no way!! lol…no fucking way. remember when 4 years was a LONGGGGGGGG time? i remember when 4 years would seem like ages…a deacde..maybe longer..now only 4 years and by then i should have at least someone that i can consider spending rest of my life with…my dad married my mom when he was 30…so i got time…and yes..my dadi s my standard stick…i got seven years to finish school as well! lol but i think 30 years is a big gap between me and my kid(s)…mehh..i guess time will tell..
sushi was great…hearted it..ate too much..wayy too much…
miss my sister…miss my folks…miss Iran…miss my guitar…that big shall get her g string 2morrow…punn intended!
ok…imma sleep…Esteghlal is playing 2morrow…yes…my life and my sleep circles around Esteghlal..Raptors and then maybe school and sex….or sex and school…mehh…@ York..sex and school are synonyms!!
deesfaankshenaal!
Sep 29th
life is just life you know…everyone has problems…its been a while since i wrote something here…and most of you (all 5 of you that read this!!lol) know that ive been busy…school!!! fucking school…ive never liked school…thank god York is really easy on the eyes (hot girls), otherwise this would suck even more…and my back/leg thing E sings a different song everyday..im just tired of it…its like a noise you hear in ur car…u try to find it…and try to see whats causing it..but after a while you just dont care anymore…thats where i am right now..not caring!!
ohh..and that chapter is done…closed…9 months..9 really really great months (some bullshit…but you know how it is)…we will come back to that later…
its funny how everyone around me has some wierd ass problems…its just insane…i guess thats why wer friends…cuz all of my friends got some type of disfunction! i was talking to Oracle the other day…and i told her that i dont really belong here…and i feel like i dont have a "home"…i like Canada..Toronto is cool..but its not my home…and Iran didnt really feel like home either…some say "home is where the heart is" so im looking for my heart..and i cant find him…hes lost…i think hes in exile…just chilling…not caring…
sometimes i feel like who should i be with…what should i look for in a girl…and thats when i create this…this being…not sure if someone like that will ever come around…im a very mixed person…i have alot of Iran with me…but I dont fit there…and I also have alot of "West" in me..but I dont fit here either…sure I can go out…chill..have fun…meet new people..we all know thats never a problem…but my interests in life are just different. Some little shit that I really care are "old" and too "triditional" for most of the people I know here…and some of my views in life are too "white" for most of my homies back in Iran…so what should I do?
yes..thats exactly what I asked her…Oracle said something that really didnt help much…most Oracles are like that..they never help!! she said you cant find it…im like: gee thanks!! she told me she was being honest..and i should try to "go out there and try to find someone whos most compatiblethe". but i dont want compatible…i want someone whos a perfect fit…a match that was made in heavens!…no more "#1 Single" for me! that show has bad effects on me!
anyways….Jeegar and I are chilling these days…roomie is cool…did i mention i miss my folks? i guess i did…
thats it really…i should get going…i got importants things to do…lol..naww..wanna go and play some xbox!
peace bitches!
how do we age? + Jome
Sep 2nd
pictures are fun…they capture a moment…good or bad…it doesnt really matter…
what matters is how we move on from these moments.
i still cant believe how old i am. concept of memory is pretty flawed. and i know we age wayy too quckly. i feel like im 16 maybe even 17. its just stupid how people around you also grow up.
maturity doesnt always come though. sometimes bodies just grow…while brain is still stupid as fuck..which is cool..not my cop of tea..but whatever…
next time you wanna use the mirror…look at ur self…see what you really are now…a new person..someone with roots..with memories…with a past…and a future yet to be written. do you think you couldve been better? what is better? ur dreams and ambitions…ur thoughts that run like no other man can handle them…and yet you might not achive even half of what you had hoped…it could be sad..or you could just set the bar really low…
we also miss something when we move away from the motherland.
the concept of Friday is just isnt the same…that sad and rushed feeling of friday afternoon is just…i donnu…just empty. a day when you could feel it go by much quicker than other days…something i havent felt in 6 years now…six years…wow…i miss the smells…the chitchats in the streets…
when poeple believe in something..is when they are scary…
a friend is also a concept…is someone you refer to before get hurt by them. and it will happen…at one point or another you woud expect something better from them..and it never comes…you feel a bit let down..but isnt that lfie? life is about let downs…you pick ur self up…and try again:)
now i bet everyone thinks i feel like ive been let down!! its just amazing how nobody really thinks about these stuff unless it happens to me…so…i cant talk about it unless it JUST happened to me….just another pointer to really see how selfish we are as a whole..as a group.
what matters is how we move on from these moments.
i still cant believe how old i am. concept of memory is pretty flawed. and i know we age wayy too quckly. i feel like im 16 maybe even 17. its just stupid how people around you also grow up.
maturity doesnt always come though. sometimes bodies just grow…while brain is still stupid as fuck..which is cool..not my cop of tea..but whatever…
next time you wanna use the mirror…look at ur self…see what you really are now…a new person..someone with roots..with memories…with a past…and a future yet to be written. do you think you couldve been better? what is better? ur dreams and ambitions…ur thoughts that run like no other man can handle them…and yet you might not achive even half of what you had hoped…it could be sad..or you could just set the bar really low…
we also miss something when we move away from the motherland.
the concept of Friday is just isnt the same…that sad and rushed feeling of friday afternoon is just…i donnu…just empty. a day when you could feel it go by much quicker than other days…something i havent felt in 6 years now…six years…wow…i miss the smells…the chitchats in the streets…
when poeple believe in something..is when they are scary…
a friend is also a concept…is someone you refer to before get hurt by them. and it will happen…at one point or another you woud expect something better from them..and it never comes…you feel a bit let down..but isnt that lfie? life is about let downs…you pick ur self up…and try again:)
now i bet everyone thinks i feel like ive been let down!! its just amazing how nobody really thinks about these stuff unless it happens to me…so…i cant talk about it unless it JUST happened to me….just another pointer to really see how selfish we are as a whole..as a group.
